Sea Pines Rolls Out 400-Page Manual on “Acceptable Shades of Beige”
HILTON HEAD ISLAND, SC — Homeowners in Sea Pines were handed a new 400-page manual this week detailing which shades of beige are considered acceptable for exterior paint, patio furniture, and mailbox posts.
“Neutral is the foundation of our community aesthetic,” said POA president Frank Drayton, unveiling the massive three-ring binder. “But not all neutrals are created equal. Page 187 clearly explains why ‘Sand Dune 04’ is permissible while ‘Sand Dune 05’ is a reckless departure from community values.”
Residents flipping through the manual reported sections on “garage door undertones,” “patio umbrella taupe harmonization,” and a controversial appendix on “beige-adjacent grays.”
“They told me my shutters were ‘too almond-forward,’” said longtime resident Bob Cunningham. “I thought I bought beige. Turns out it was technically ecru. Now I’ve got 90 days to repaint or face a fine.”
Sea Pines officials confirmed a dedicated hotline has been established for color-matching emergencies, staffed by Sherwin-Williams representatives.
At press time, the POA was reportedly drafting a follow-up volume on “approved wind chime decibels.”
