Local Resident Spends $3,000 On Pine Straw, Watches It Blow Away Next Morning

Emily Fraser

— 1 min read
Local Resident Spends $3,000 On Pine Straw, Watches It Blow Away Next Morning
Local economy takes another hit as $3,000 worth of pine straw is blown into a lagoon before homeowners even finish paying for it.

HILTON HEAD ISLAND, SC — Homeowner Harold Simmons reported a “devastating financial loss” this week after investing $3,000 in freshly spread pine straw, only to see it blown into the lagoon the very next morning by his landscapers.

“I told them to go easy with the leaf blowers, but it was like watching a hurricane in khakis,” said Simmons, staring at the bare ground where his mulch once was. “I should’ve just thrown the cash directly into the wind and saved us all time.”

Neighbors noted Simmons had already tried several unconventional methods to protect his pine straw, including staking down each bale with golf tees, spraying the yard with hairspray, and briefly looking into whether Gorilla Glue was sold in bulk.

“Pine straw is Hilton Head’s version of cryptocurrency,” said HOA president Frank Drayton. “Nobody really understands why it costs so much, and half of it disappears overnight.”

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